🚨TABLETOP EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM - THIS IS NOT A DRILL🚨 Our darkest hour is at hand! If there is anyone left out there still loyal to Tabletop and still willing to resist the wargamers, please listen closely - the fate of our society could depend on you!
❗ Announcements ❗
🎲⚔🔥 The Situation!
The enemy are at our gates and in our ranks. Friend has turned on friend, old emnities newly reignited, ancient grudges finally unburied. As the prophecies of the newsletter warned us, the Wargames Coup is here. They have already seized B2.02, and their forces are spreading throughout the university and the society. Armed with the spikiest miniatures they could find, they are hunting down any who show loyalty to any faction other than wargames and opposing their tyranny.
I will not lie to you, the outlook is grim. The so-called "First Tabletop Empire" has acted with a brutal swiftness that caught many of us unaware, using skills Lewis must have learnt from our previous president and local skywalker themself, Anakin. But all hope is not yet lost! Despite their propaganda, many loyalists still remain, scattered but defiant. Our exec number many - even now we outnumber the enemy. We need to consolidate our forces, rally together, and unify if we are to put our strength to use.
📣 A Call to All Factions
To overcome this apocalyptic plight, we need all hands - only together, with the combined forces of every echelon of the society will we have any hope of defeating the Wargamers. To that end, here is a request to each specific faction, describing what you can do to help, no matter how in-depth your involvement.
- Loyalist Wargamers, those of you that still remain true to the dream of a unified tabletop, you have two roles to fulfil. Those of you that yet remain unsuspected by the enemy will be our spies, funneling back what intel you can to aid in our cause. The rest of you will form the core of our forces where we are drawn into open warfare, using your volume of dice, rulebooks, and models to arm our forces, and your tactical genius to match the wargamers on their own turf, and let our varied skillsets overwhelm them.
- Drafters of Magic and Gatherers of Mythic Rares alike, rally at our call! Your logistical prowess, formidable tactical skills, and ability to outlast the enemy are all needed. Together, we must join forces and take haste to jump-start our resistance. Draft our supplies, balance the many needs of our disparate factions just as you would walk the delicate line between noncreatures and creatures, between bombs and pet cards, between mana fixing and 3c greed. With your support to bolster us and assist our disparate factions, we may yet survive this fateful hour and escape from under the crushing heel of Wargames' rule.
- Board Gamers, your talents are many. From the social deduction and brutal hubris of Skull, the long-term strategic planning of Twilight Imperium and Terraforming Mars, the frantic balance of Junk Art, to the broad knowledge and coordination of Codenames and Wavelength. All of these will be vital in the struggle ahead. Let your reps know where your skills lie, that we may put your disparate abilities to best use. After all, the secret to victory is worker placement!
- Collectors of Cards and Gamers alike! On this day we need your talents. Netrunners, your asymetric experience will be essential in understanding how both to fortify our servers and foil their agendas! Planeswalkers, learn from the drafters what you can do because I don't have that many magic puns left in me. Yu-Gi-Oh players, come together in attack position and laugh when the wargamers blindly stumble right into activating your trap cards. (I'm sorry if that sounded really silly to people who actually play Yu-Gi-Oh! I don't know your game as well as the other two)
- RPGs! From D&D to Lancer, as our forces Wanderhome from the Edge of the Empire, Crash Pandas and Goblin Questers, your society needs you! Your innovation, your creativity, your "genius" plans, we need all of them now! Wargamers are bound by tradition and conventional strategy. We suffer no such limitation. Airdrop bears from a giant crow! Flirt with dragons! Find combos from across three books to hit for triple digit damage and watch a wargamer faint as their strongest possible 30 wound model literally melts before their eyes. GMs, we need your strength of will, your ability to stare down conflicting schedules into something that somehow works for everyone, your heroism in running games.
- LARPers! Long neglected yet enduring, you have survived two years of plague and still stand defiant. Do not let this coup be the thing that finally brings LARP down! You are armed! You are dangerous! You are glorious! Next to spiders with guns, these wargamers are nothing! Destroy them [Editor's note - I've just asked the Health and Safety rep and he didn't actively say it wasn't safe to call for people's destruction so I'm assuming we're cool but on his request I've been told to ask that you do so in a LARP-safe manner.]
💘☠ Our Plan
While the enemy has already consolidated their admittedly strong position, this nightmarish empire can be felled. They can be beaten. I have spent time among many of them in what was disguised as a show of unity, and know their weaknesses. Even at the AGM, I was taking measures to learn their secrets, interrogating their membership and (in a shock to everyone) taking notes. Compiled here are those of most immediate tactical value, along with those of relevance to our overarching plan.
- Wargamers do not understand locks, and even a simple combination lock can foil an entire exec team for over a week.
- Their reliance on dice means bad luck is especially dangerous to wargamers.
- They focus on the uni and long term planning - hit them when they're on unfamiliar terrain and fade away before they can deploy all their minatures.
- They have a thing for Star Wars, and grandiose villainy - play to their sense of the dramatic wherever possible.
❔ What's happening this week? ❔
- Monday 5-10pm:
In Person WargamesWe still stand while one of us yet draws breath - B2.02 will never be yours! - Tuesday 6-10pm: Drafting Plans - Discord (or other communication method if the Discord is compromised - MB1 - Any donations to the war fund appreciated - you must sign up here to take part
- Wednesday 2-10pm: Dropping Board Games on any argamers that come too close - Anywhere with a big window
- Thursday 5-10pm: Sending wargamers to the shadow realm - B2.04/5
- Sunday 12-5pm: The final duel for the fate of our world - The FAB because come on the cinematography would be extremely cool
Remember, you can always find an up-to-date timetable of our plans by tuning in to our emergency tactical broadcast feed page, and you can sign up to special operations (including RPGs) via our Events page.
💭 What happened last week? 💭
The seeds for the Wargames coup were planted in plain sight, and we didn't notice. Beyond that, the past is only a concern if we win this present crisis!
Extra Bonus End Bit
Wash your hands, stay safe, defend the society and fight for your right to play some games with us 💛
Hannah Collins (she/they/fae, Vice Acting President, Broadcasting in exile from the dark and hidden places of the discord, writing a lot for an April Fools' bit)
@aceempress#9631 on Discord
hannah.a.collins@warwick.ac.uk
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